dispatches from down north

Expanding and contracting, the heartbeat throbbing throughout the Universe. Oughtn't that happen separately? Mustn't an expansion occur for a contraction to follow? It seems as logic, yet always feels simultaneous. Neither one happening in the actual absence of the other. There is no moment of separation, can be no such thing amongst eternal interweaving and spinning of infinite pattern.

Broken promises litter the stage along with endless hope and the ever-present confetti of possibility. Luckily, I really, really love confetti. That makes me smile, which is always a good thing. Smiling is the way that love travels. One of many, many ways. But it happens to be my favorite.
During those infamous college years, I learned that these beautiful little natural chemicals called 'endorphins' are released every single time I smile. So why not smile more? Everything is different because of those lucky number seventeen muscles. How else can a person get through the day?

Life is all questions and no answers and it occurs now that is because the answers are always malleable when it comes to the future. There are answers, but most are made up and all are subject to change. This is the mystery of existence.

Life can still be a fairy tale.
Happy Ending and all.

Life is Change

I can't even read my last post here... Whatever was written at that time feels floaty and drifted towards the edge of daily consciousness. All my focus consumed is by the lack of forward-momentum, defined by the hamster wheel of modern society but filled with the dreams of artists. The waving cycle of being consumed by the ideas of the corporate model and filled back up with the ideas of favorite thoughts can be a complete experience. It feels like trying to move forward quickly through the water-like air of a dreams, getting wherever you are going- seemed so clear a second ago- as fast as you can which is so obviously so far from sufficient. Then one night, you throw a punch. YOU THROW THE WHOLE PUNCH! You hand moves through regular air with the force of your strength and you make contact!... and... absolutely... nothing... happens... after that. Searching for the breakthrough, moving toward it, is imaginably comparable to deliberately hunting a willow-the-wisp. It is deliberately chasing elusive possibilities with the glimmer of reward shining through the woods. High risk, high reward. But you can always get lost. And so many do.

mission underway

Ta-daaaa!!! A date is set for the premiere of Sideshow Showcase! April 7, a Saturday, the day after the full moon for the month. EXCITEMENT!

Delaying until April will give me the time I need to distribute 500 invitations, complete with waiver, a-la burn. I want it to be a 'private' event to limit liability and legal constraints around closing down by 1a- pah! I am also establishing an LLC, getting lots of awesome, FREE help from the NH Small Business Development Center, free *legal* assistance from their contact. Extra time is also good to network the crap out of myself to generate some gravity around this thing and organize every last detail imaginable.

It is intended as a fundraising platform for a 3 day event (AraXarA!- the embodiment of that which becomes you- yeah :D) in June that Jason and I are organizing with lots of help from some committed friends. It isn't a Burning Man sanctioned regional, but that is the feel we are going for- 10 Principals and all.

I will consider myself sooooo lucky if we get 75-100 people for ShowShow and even more so if we successfully raise any amount of money to go to land rental, portos and everything else that goes with organizing a multi-day event. Which, btw, I have never before attempted. EEK!

Super lucky to have a friend who wants to come visit and sell her unusual wares for the ShowShow event all the way from Richmond, VA. And just talking about this project has already connected me with new people at work (whoa! risk central!! but it's cool ;) and with community resources of which I was previously unaware. YAY! My own momentum is pushing me forward and I am *excited*!

Especially about the shrunken heads. It's not even intended to be a solely creepy event, but I cannot get over these shrunken heads in corked bottles. Too cool! I have some artists- REALLY TALENTED ONES!- who want to display their stuff, my good friend from Richmond will bring awesome wares and skills, I know, I have several hoopers who would like to perform and help set-up, Husband wants to juggle and there may be another guy from work who is willing to juggle fire pins. I haven't found anyone besides myself who practices fire poi up here, but I am thrilled to fulfill the role alone. WHEEE!

steampunk and circus rule my world

I have been practicing circus arts only since about 2006. I LOVE IT! And not just for the fashion, which is not necessarily steampunk, but you better believe mine will be. After I left Richmond, my practice habits have declined as I am not immersed in a community that provides the structure and support for practice anywhere, anytime. I have not had very much success integrating into, or even finding, the circus arts community up here. A fish out of water so to speak. A fish who spends a lot more time looking at awesome clothes and shoes online. Online browsing somehow does not sufficiently substitute.

The time has come my friends, for me to build my own art scene.

I have been building up to this for quite some time- slowed by obstacles in my head that appear to be reflected in reality. No mind- A PLAN IS UNDERWAY!!! Who cares that I don't have any of the awesome connections and roots that would make creating a plan like this so easy in the past. Who cares that I have no idea where to find a venue? Who cares if I end up blowing a lot of time and money on food and alcohol when no one shows up? I am a girl who is up for a challenge. No reason to be beaten by the unknown just because it is a giant, and potentially expensive, pain in the ass.

I think I am just going to go explore art galleries and yoga studios in Manchester until I can persuade someone that letting me host artists and musicians other than their own to invite the public to stay up late drinking and dancing is a good idea. WHY NOT?!

I will get a fire permit and an awesome, but firesafe costume, and spin outside the main entrance. I am certain I know at least two DJs who would be willing to play. We will feature the sale-able work of unknown local artists. Yeah, there will be a fee ($35??) to get in the door, but who would mind knowing that food and drink are on the house once you come in.

How will I feed all these people you ask? GRILLED CHEESE! Available as regular, vegan, gluten free, herbed or with tomato- maybe even avocado. Lots of butter/buttery substitute. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! Nom.

Please read this post and then continually harass me for more information about how this project is going. I keep wanting to put the fire out because it is burning my ass!

the great trash experiment is long over

It actually officially ended on December 11 of 2010, nearly five months after its inception. The Thanksgiving carcass just couldn't live ( or be dead) in the boiler room. So after over 21 weeks if saving all the garbage we hauled away nine and a half bags of trash. Yes, you read that right. Nine and a half normal plain white 30 gallon bags of trash is all we had to dispose of after carefully checking every piece of garbage that passed through our hands. Sometimes we had to get creative to recycle some recycleables that weren't handled in our area, but that was just the tetra packs. My yoga studio was kind enough to handle those for me. Hurray for recycling!!!
This does leave mevwith a sense of wonder about all the stuff that doesn't need to be in our landfills. How much of what's in there could be put to better use? Maybe one day we will create jobs by having folks get paid to sort through those magnanimous piles of waste. Until then....
Take care my loves and remember that you can make a difference!

The Great Trash Experiment Continues

I realize that in my last post I stated that trash is just not that exciting. So I understand that perhaps it is contradictory for me to be so wound up about what I am about to say. But I made that statement BEFORE I put another bag of garbage in the basement. I finally removed all the humongous bags of paper and recycled them. It turned out one of the white bags I thought was trash was really just paper! Which means I only have FOUR bags of trash, not five! WHEE!! I put it down there on September 16, a mere two months and two days after Jason and I began this silliness. And I have taken four big trash barrels of recycling to the transfer station and begun to fill the barrels again. I think this means that over 75% of the waste that comes through this household is recyclable. Wouldn't it be cool if everyone started recycling 75% of their trash?
Jason thinks we should go through all the trash, like actually spread it out piece by piece on the the most actual garbage and see if there is a way for us to reduce that waste. Gross. We will probably end up doing that. I wish we hadn't waited for cold weather to come to this. Se la vie.

veggies, meat and economics

i still haven't located and utilized a better way to dispose of my ceiling tiles. I have dropped another trash bag in the boiler room and the next is about full. It is time to take the kitty litter to the compost spot that is not my own again. and i still wish to continue avoiding these things.
on the up side... the bag of trash that is deniably full contains all the refuse from packing for burning man. fairly impressive, methinks. On that note... enough about trash! for today... why? because trash... well, it's less interesting over time than my initial excitement indicates...

I was driving home this afternoon and thinking not-so-subversive thoughts about my formerly vegan lifestyle. I would like to contribute some thoughts that I feel are often overlooked in the ongoing discussions regarding appropriate eating habits and the overall dietary lifestyle of Americans.

I hear over and over about how meat and dairy are bad for us, bad for the planet and obviously torturous to animals. I do not deny any of this. My body LOVES meat. Loves the stuff- can't get enough. I do believe it is bad for my health overall because of the use of steroids, antibiotics and God knows whatever other chemicals are showing up in there. Yes it is bad for the planet and it is clearly VERY BAD for all of the sweet little animals we chop up and chew down daily.

HOWEVER! All of these arguments are emotional and moral, ethical at best. (sidenote: moral- personal guidelines regarding right and wrong, ethical- guidelines for right and wrong generally accepted throughout an entire community). These are valid discussions and topics for argument and debate. But there is a whole nother world of conversation being virtually ignored in this verbal tennis match!

What about the economics of the whole thing. Whether or not you think it is right or wrong or healthy or not to eat animals- What do you think about PAYING your hardearned dollars to VERY wealthy people to torture animals to cut the cost and increase overall profits for distributing that meat to you?

Let's be clear, this is not a question about EATING the meat, it is a question that begs to know "to whom do you wish to pay your dollars?"

As far as I can tell, voting in politics doesn't do much more for us than take up an hour or two every few years in November. Well, what if we looked at our dollars as votes? If the corporations have essentially bought Congress, then we can instead look to exercise control over the corporations when it proves ineffective to attempt to sway our legislating bodies. We already know that all they care about is their profit margin. So when we spend our money we vote on the products AND PRODUCTION METHODS that we value.

So, I like to eat meat. I do not want to pay some faceless rich person my money so they can get richer by treating animals in the most inhumane ways and poisoning our environment and my body. This doesn't mean I can't eat meat, but it does mean I have to put in the extra effort required to locate a farmer in my area from whom I can buy meat. I may have to buy it in large quantities which means I have to have enough freezer space to store what I buy. I may have to buy a share of meat with other people in order to afford and have space for it.

I'm just saying though. It's not always about animal rights. Sometimes it's about the economy and who I want to pay to do what.